Escaping abuse – moving on, looking back

My current (non-abusive) musician husband was struggling over new ways to be inspired. He asked to see my old poetry, and I said yes without much thought.  So he got up on the step stool and unearthed my archives from the storage closets in our bedroom, and I thumbed through a folder from the years I was married to Jerkface.

I hadn’t read those poems in quite some time, and quickly remembered why. They were difficult to read. So full of pain and confusion. Through my decades-old writing, I could discern the timeline of that abusive relationship – from obsessive intoxication, to bewilderment and panic, and finally to the part where I had helped him nearly kill my spirit and my unique self. read more

Being alone is better than being abused

So many movies are about finding love. So much marketing is about getting hitched.  In our society, togetherness is celebrated so much more than being alone. So it’s no wonder that aloneness is seen as a temporary state that we hope to escape quickly on our way toward finding that special someone. 

It’s true that sharing your life with someone special is indeed wonderful. But sharing your life with someone who isn’t wonderful is far worse than being alone.

When you’re with an abuser, you’re more alone in that relationship than you would ever be by yourself. read more

Stop being nice to Jerkfaces

When you're dealing with a narcissist, you need to set aside your common decency. You need to forget everything you've learned about being a decent human, including that people deserve to understand where you're coming from and that they need to be treated with kindness.

Lies Jerkfaces tell to get you back.

When a Jerkface has lost control of you (e.g., when you leave), s/he is all about getting that control back. That means Jerkfaces will say or do pretty much anything to get you back in their clutches - including pretending to understand your pain, promising never to hurt you again, even volunteering to go to therapy.