Escaping abuse – moving on, looking back

My current (non-abusive) musician husband was struggling over new ways to be inspired. He asked to see my old poetry, and I said yes without much thought.  So he got up on the step stool and unearthed my archives from the storage closets in our bedroom, and I thumbed through a folder from the years I was married to Jerkface.

I hadn’t read those poems in quite some time, and quickly remembered why. They were difficult to read. So full of pain and confusion. Through my decades-old writing, I could discern the timeline of that abusive relationship – from obsessive intoxication, to bewilderment and panic, and finally to the part where I had helped him nearly kill my spirit and my unique self. read more

3 Steps for Leaving Jerkface

You’re getting there. You've started to see that Jerkface isn’t a normal person with a normal heart. It feels like their relationship with you is a game, a lie, a selfish arrangement. You wonder if they’ve lied to you just to keep you trapped in their web. And you may finally have had enough.

What “You don’t deserve this” really means

A healthy relationship is not a project. A relationship is something that gives you good things 90% of the time. A relationship adds to your life, instead of bringing you heartache or a lifetime of trying to change who you are, how you talk, or how you dress in the hopes that Jerkface will stop treating you badly.

Stop being nice to Jerkfaces

When you're dealing with a narcissist, you need to set aside your common decency. You need to forget everything you've learned about being a decent human, including that people deserve to understand where you're coming from and that they need to be treated with kindness.